


Maybe

by wordstothewisereaders



Series: Destiel Works [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Fluff, Love Letters, M/M, Post 12x19, s12 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-28 23:45:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10841952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordstothewisereaders/pseuds/wordstothewisereaders
Summary: For the past nine years, Dean Winchester has known Castiel. For the past eight, he has loved him. For the past seven, he has written brief, sporadic letters detailing the emotions felt during their acquaintance, and, specifically, their betrayals.





	Maybe

**Author's Note:**

> The dates for the letters are the days that the episodes that the events occured in aired on. I hope that makes sense because I had no idea what the canonical dates were! <3

_May 13, 2010_

_Castiel,_

_I don't know what happened today. I guess everything finally fell apart like I knew it would. Sam is gone now, worse than dead. It destroys me. I nearly lost my entire world today, and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. I knew this was bound to happen to me or Sammy sooner or later, but when Bobby was killed and you spontaneously combusted, I was so close to giving in on myself. I thought I was alone again, forever. I'm sorry I can't tell you how I really feel and that I'm too much of a coward to speak up even though I nearly lost you._

_Maybe one day._

_~ Dean_

_***_

_September 30, 2011_

_Cas,_

_I'm sorry I can't save you. It tears me apart that you just left. You let that leviathan in and left us. I know that it's not you that's doing all of these terrible things. We just want you to come back. Hell,_ I _just want you to come back. It broke my heart when all you left behind is this damned trenchcoat. It still smells like you. Maybe you'll come back and I can man up to finally tell you what I should have a long time ago._

_~ Dean_

_***_

_October 22, 2013_

_Cas,_

_I hope you understand. I really, really hope you understand that I had to do this. I'm sorry I kicked you out. I'm sorry I ruined our chance at finally having a home together where there's a chance of some normalcy. I had to, buddy. I have to find a way to cure Sam. He's my brother, and the other half of my world. When this is all over, maybe you'll come back and we can retry everything. I'm so, so sorry, Cas. Please understand that this doesn't change what I've said to you before._

_~ Dean_

_***_

_February 9, 2017_

_Cas,_

_I almost forgot you today. I almost forgot everything that I've ever loved. That damned magic just about took away my life. I wish I could have seen you then. Maybe it would have made everything better. You know how to do that most of the time._

_~ Dean_

_***_

_February 16, 2017_

_Cas,_

_You told me you loved me today. You were on your deathbed and you told me you loved me in front of Sam and Mom. I can't believe I was put on the spot and froze. I would never be able to live with those being your last words. I wish I could tell you. I wish I could make myself, but it's just so difficult, dammit. I wish more than anything that you could read my mind again and see what I feel. Maybe then we could make everything okay. I'll try. For you, I'll try._

~~_I lo_ ~~

_~ Dean_

_***_

_April 27, 2017_

_Cas,_

_You left again today. You knocked me and Sam out and left us for as well as dead. I can't believe you went back to those feathery assholes in heaven. I'm shocked, Cas. That wasn't you that I saw in your eyes tonight. That wasn't my Cas. I will find a way to get you back. I swear to God that I will, and I'm going to get rid of Kelly and the Nephilim, too. Maybe when I do, I'll finally work my nerve up to confess to you. I'm determined to._

~~_I love y_ ~~

_~ Dean_

_***_

Cas grabbed the leather bound book Dean had asked him to from the hunter's room. He stumbled over something in the floor, causing for his hands to grasp at a surface to catch himself on. Unfortunately, it happened to be the occupied space of the nightstand. A box was knocked over, opening and spilling its contents onto the flat surface. Cas scrambled to replace everything to where it was before, old pictures, quick notes, and even a few bullets, but stopped as he saw at least six envelopes spread out, all addressed with his name.

Cas picked one up, running it through his hands and studying it. He was hesitant to open it, knowing that if Dean had wanted him to see them, he would have been upfront with him. Curiosity got the best of him, so he opened the first, gasping at the contents. His eyes skimmed the page several times, verifying that what he was reading was true. If he was fully human, his heart would have been going a mile a minute then.

He picked up the next letter and then the next, nervous to see what each said. Strong emotions he weren't quite sure of flooded his mind. He made it through the last one when heavy footsteps could be heard approaching. 

"Hey, Cas. Did you fi-" Dean began to ask, mouth falling open wide when he saw what the angel was holding.

"Dean, what is this?" Cas asked, stunned by the unusual open emotion written throughout the letters and even moreso by what the words meant. 

"Y-you weren't supposed to see that." Dean replied quickly, stuttering with nerves as every instinct he had screamed at him to spare himself and run away. 

"Do you really feel this way? Do you...do you really mean it?" Cas asked cautiously. 

Dean took a deep, shaky breath, running a hand through his hair and over his face scaredly. He had fought countless demons, witches and vampires. You name it. Hell, he'd even been to Purgatory and Hell itself, yet nothing set fear into him more than when he had to be upfront about the things that he had kept pent up for what was far too long to be healthy. 

The older Winchester had written the letters over the span of the last eight years, ever since he had grown close to Cas. They were never intended to be read, instead more of a way to let out everything without really letting it out. It was his method of beating himself up by making himself read what he had written over and over again. On the worst of nights, he would force himself to stare at the words. He never dreamed that Cas would get his hands on them or what would happen if he did. 

"I-I...Yeah, buddy, I guess I do." Dean said defeatedly as he came to the conclusion that honesty would be just as good as anything else. 

Cas stared at him for a moment, simply overwhelmed. He felt guilt stronger than any he had ever experienced and, in a strange sort of way, love _. He_ had caused Dean all of the pain that he never wanted to talk about, and _he_ had broken one of the best things to ever happen to either of them, all because of his recklessness. In that moment, Cas wanted to run far away from the bunker and rid Dean of all of the torment he had caused. 

"Dean, I'm so sorry. I never knew. I...I didn't think that-" 

The angel was cut off by an armful of Winchester. Dean had thrown himself at Cas, wrapping him in their most meaningul embrace yet. 

"I love you." Dean whispered into his neck hurriedly, like the words were too much to be contained. 

Cas inhaled sharply, grip tightening significantly. Never had he thought he would hear those words leave Dean's mouth. Never had he thought that he would get the chance to repeat the exact same words. 

Dean pulled away and took a step back. He stared Cas down with a shaky determination. He would no longer own the cowardice he had taken on after all of the years of never telling the angel the truth. Even so, he still expected harsh rejection after that long. 

"I know that you probably don't feel the same way, and you probably are hating me right now. You know that I'm really shitty with the chick flick moments and emotional expression. I've been such a big damn coward because I haven't had enough nerve to tell you. It had to come out eventually, Cas, so I'll say it again. I love you." Dean repeated clenching his jaw and bracing himself for a response. 

It was Dean's turn to be taken aback, as Cas replied ever so quietly, "I love you, also." 

They were a mess after that. They were a tangled mess of limbs and lips and unspoken words finally being freed. 

 


End file.
